Well Hello New Year…
I enjoyed reading and spreading my witty comments around Facebook this last weekend. Seems that most of my friends have two ways to greet a new year: 1. fondly or not so fondly saying goodbye to last year or 2. to challenge this next year to a fight
Tom said, “Bring it,” to which I asked “where? when?” and decided he must mean “a casserole or a beer.” If you know Tom, then you know that free food and/or beer are always welcome.
Jealous, don’t you want to be my friend too?
So this year for me, well we are already off to an auspicious start, 2012 and me.
Where to begin?
1. My three, yes three, year old told me today in the McDonald’s drive thru “that these people in our way needed to move and they suck.” Oh yes. It could have been worse. When asked why that big truck was blocking our way I censored myself before I could shout “because he is a selfish (redacted)”. I called my mother who told me she, herself, was driving like an idiot asshole.
I think that by 2018 my kid is going to get kicked out of kindergarten for his ever expanding vocabulary.
2. During the allergist appointment today my child first hid in the toy box in the examination room and then climbed into my lap, RIPPED HIS SHIRT OFF AND THREW IT ACROSS THE ROOM, and then bounced on my knees like a cowboy. A high, crazed, half naked cowboy. No wonder I had to call the doctor back after I got home and ask him all the questions that fled from my mind at that very moment. Probably from the sheer embarssment of being associated with me.
3. Last night, my naked unable to get the hang of potty training son ran from the room. .5 seconds later, he called out, “Moommmyyy. I pooped.” I found him standing, bewildered in the bathroom, of course still naked, with a fresh pile of poop on the toilet seat. WHAT? WHY? Apparently he thought he could stand to poop as well as pee. No son. Just no. Poop does not fly out of you like fire from a dragon’s mouth. I did not take pictures and you are so welcome.
4. Tonight, same son, same potty training gig behaved so badly at bedtime that I just got up and walked out at which moment he had to pee RIGHT THEN and chose a stray, empty piece of tupperware that was in his room. I opened his door after a few moments. “Here mommy.” REALLY?
5. And today’s allergy testing added soy to his long list of food allergies.
2012. So far, you suck. You better shape up.
