Just a chat between friends

What happens when two women who have been friends for 29 years are separated  geographically by 300 miles and technologically for a week (by someone who had the NERVE to go on vacation…and from my tone you know it wasn’t me)?  Nothing good, that’s what.

Via Facebook.  Way too late PM until even later PM.

Lorie: Did you see my sister’s post about Halima shooting her in the eye with perfume?  I was really laughing at that, for some reason. Like tears rollin’. Maybe I need to get some rest!

Me:  lol yes.  Halima could take Adam down.  They should get together. Ismael and I just remarked last night he needs to hang out with an older kid who wont take his crap.

Lorie: He’d be running circles around her and she’d just shoot his eye with perfume!Sssst. Take that!

Me: Exactly.  (immediate digression, and where the whole conversation goes south)  Can you see this photo? http://in20years.com/photo?st=5&fid=1006299&fname=aged_wb20100628101626831258.JPG I’m basically up messing around when I should be sleeping.  (and now I’m tooo dang tired to actually upload these photos myself.)

Lorie:  (still on topic) I just picture my sister sitting there, greeting the baby and she just reaches up and shpritzes her right in the eye.

Me:  (not entertaining it) This is supposed to age you 20 years and I think instead it should be the zombie apocalypse picture maker.  (Blatantly thieved from The Bloggess)

Lorie:  That’s creepy. Like horror movie creepy. I hope that’s not what the cops use.

Me:  (showing how much I am clearly ADD and distracted by shiny objects)  Heh. shpritzes…that’s exactly it.  “Hi mama!” ::shpritz::  (ooh shiny object or zombie photo) Yes, it’s wrong in every way.

Lorie: “Have you seen this zombie? If so, call crimestoppers.”

Me: hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa  (sudden rejoicing)  I am SO GLAD YOU ARE HOME.  (She took a 7 day cruise with her husband instead of me.  Can you believe that?)

Lorie:  (She has her own shiny objects) I need a vacation from my vacation. Michael just swung by and looked over my shoulder at the photo of the garden.  He said it looks like the Clampitts live there.  (Michael is decidedly anti-Clampitt)

Me:  maw clampitt?

Pause

Lorie:  Where’d you go? Are you aging your photo now?

Me:  I don’t wanna see mine.

Lorie:  Zombie lady.

Me: Are you planning to eat dinner here?

Lorie: If you’re cookin’, I’m eatin.  (clearly zombie apocalypse picture maker obsessed)  I wonder if it’d take a photo of a 90 year old and age them to 110?

Me: If you put a zombie in there, would it look normal? ::looking frantically for my zombie photos::

Lorie:  No. Zombies already aren’t fresh. It’d get worse, I’m sure. It may have a zombie-blocker. “This photo is blocked on the basis that the subject has already been zombie-fied.”I haven’t had this much chatter about zombies since Josh left for the lake. He asks about them quite often.

Me:  I didn’t realize he’d upgraded from transformers and such to zombies. What do you let him watch?

Lorie: He wants to know if they eat brains REALLY or do they just eat that on camera for the Thriller video. Like MJ got real zombies for the shoot.

Me:ahhhh everything comes back to being MJs fault. Heh. No, he just used normal people but ran them through this website.  (getting what was apparently a very exciting idea)  Oooh do you do you do you. (too impatient) I’m gonna do you.

Lorie: What!?

Me:  Let’s do the gator.  (Lorie’s FB profile picture after the cruise was of her holding onto a small alligator).

Lorie:   Yes.  Do the gator. My poor heart can’t take 20 added years.

Me: Bad news. Software says it can’t detect a face in the photo…the whole photo….you included.  Apparently you are without a face.

Lorie: Well, the gator is blocking my chins. Notice that? I chose that on purpose.

Me: Yes, I see that. you always put something there….a child….your arm…a croc

Lorie: Maybe I should always carry one! “nice to meet you. I’d shake hands, but my gator might get away.”

Me: If you whip out a gator, i promise no one will look at your chins. That is fantasticand he could snap his jaws and lick his lips. Do gators have lips?

Lorie: Let me zoom in and I’ll let you know…stand by.

Me:  http://in20years.com/photo?st=4&fid=1006297&fname=aged_wb20100628103916447468.png Time is not going to be kind to you my friend

Lorie: That is terrifying. Apparently, I stop sleeping for the next twenty years. Looka them dark circles!

Me: At least you aren’t foaming at the mouth.

Lorie: Or munching on brains.

Me: Well yes, there is that.

Lorie: Do you. it’s only fair.

Me: Haha.  Hold on. I’m a crying drunk with a smile. http://in20years.com/photo?st=4&fid=1006294&fname=aged_wb20100628104216496086.png

Lorie: Jae-sus! That website should be banned!

Me: I’m gonna find a zombie. Eeww, no never mind. Google images is not kind to zombies. Doesn’t portray them very well.

Lorie:Does everyone have to look like a sad clown in the eyes? I’ve met a lot of old people and they don’t look like rheumy-eyed hounds. Well, is there a button for 20 years WITH botox? Press that button.

Me:  Well there is a “drug addict” button.  It scares me.

Lorie: Do me!

Me: I tried ot get ismael but got adam in the pic again. http://in20years.com/photo?st=4&fid=1006298&fname=aged_wb20100628104539906378.JPG

Lorie:  Lord! If that’s what adam looks like at 22, you better send away for a bride NOW! While he’s still cute!

Me: You look like a gaunt hungry zombie on drugs. http://in20years.com/photo?st=5&fid=1006298&fname=aged_wb20100628104708446843.png

Lorie:  Hey! Thinner! Maybe crack’s the way to go!

Me: Clearly

Me: I want a divorce. http://in20years.com/photo?st=5&fid=1006293&fname=aged_wb20100628105025560983.png We clearly are going to be rheumy and bloated unless we pick up a crack habit asap

Me:  (running out of steam and the will to type any more)  Come to dinner tomorrow.  I’ll make something fabulous.  Not brains.

Lorie:  He looks like smokey robinson, only fatter.

Lorie:  Good night, my zombie sister.

And curtain.

I’m so very glad that I allowed Smokey to go to bed at 6:30 PM as he was suffering from so much exhaustion that he made the devil’s deal to get up with the boy in the morning.  I will be sleeping in.  Clearly exhausted from all my hard work here.