I am a lazy idiot. Apparently.

Adam and I spent a delightful afternoon at a friend’s home with other friends.  He played. He ran. He pooped in the kiddie pool.

THANK YOU HUGGIES SWIM DIAPERS FOR CRISIS AVERTED.

I ate, he did not.  We all watched a storm roll by to the north and rejoiced in the cool air that came our way.  When we left, Adam all but lost consciousness before we even left her housing edition.  I texted Ismael at a stop, “I’m not cooking dinner. Stop and get something for yourself if you want it.”

Why? Because I wasn’t hungry. Adam won’t eat anything but crackers and chicken anyway.  I wanted to complete a lazy day by being lazy.

Did he stop and get anything?  Oh no.

After an hour of watching the TV weather reports of IMPENDING DOOM in the form or large red blobs on the weather rader screen, Ismael suggests that I “go out and get him a pizza.”

He’s a funny guy?  Right.  But being technologically savvy, I have it ordered on Dominos.com before he can even suggest it again.  I happily watched the status bar:

• Matt is preparing your pizza.  You go Matt.  You are the man!  Did you wash your hands?
• Matt put your pizza in the oven at 7:51.  You rock Matt.  Don’t burn it!
• Your pizza is ready for your to pick up! Mmmm!

What?

Pick up?

I am an idiot.  I wanted it delivered because obviously someone who delivers pizzas for a living would be more prepared for the conditions than I was… they would have the necessary equipment right?  A raincoat. An umbrella.  An amphibious vehicle.

I looked again at the radar screen and now the meteorologists had added flashing computerized triangles and squares and were all “tornado this” and “hail that,” and stopped themselves short of writing “beyond here there be dragons…” and running from the room screaming.

Great.

I headed out to pick up the pizzas because they were already paid for.  If not, I totally would have ignored the phone calls and gone into the pizza witness protection program by making a new user id for the website.

I head out into the awful storm, which turned out wasn’t so awful.  Picked up the pizzas safely.  Returned home as a streak of strong lightning shot across the sky and undoubtedly set something on fire somewhere.

In my haste to get out of the car and get inside…. I dropped my pizza.  You know, the NON jalopenoed one.  The box flew open and the pizza laid cheese side down in a river of rainwater.  Ismael’s pizza was still safely in my hands.

And did my husband say thank you?   No, he laughed.  He’d better sleep with one eye open tonight.