Halala Mama

When I tell people I teach sixth, seventh, and EIGHTH grade history, they groan….”oh middle school…that’s a rotten age.”

Middle schoolers have their faults to be sure, but I find it to be an interesting transition time between elementary and high school. They can tie their own shoes and are self-cleaning.   They are old enough to joke with and not old enough to drive away.  A captive audience if you will.

What I do not teach is first grade….I do not want to be responsible for teaching a child how to read or their multiplication tables.  Their little minds have to learn very big things.  I also don’t want to teach the important first grade lesson of “Yes, we have to zip our pants every time we leave the restroom.”

Yet, I am now tutoring my husband’s first grade second cousin in addition.  Math facts. Number sense.

I warned her mother on Sunday, “after about an hour, she will be finished.  She doesn’t have the attention span to work on this for much longer than that….”  because she is seven and the fact that the Super Bowl was coming on in two hours which meant I wouldn’t have the attention span either.

We worked on flash cards and she did very well.  However, when the same problems were displayed on a worksheet she couldn’t remember the answers.

Suddenly, “My back hurts.”  Really?  “Yes,” she said, “my back hurts really, really, really bad.  Can I use the bathroom?”

She returned. “My back still hurts really bad.”  She smelled like mouth wash.  WHAT?  We let her call her mother and ask for her to come get her.  Her mother told me, “Give her half of an Alieve and have her sit down, I’ll be there soon.”

As “soon” in African terms means before the coming millennium I wasn’t too certain about her imminent arrival.

I was pretty sure I was being played, so I didn’t offer medication. I KNEW I was being played when she eyed my coffee cup and said, “sometimes when I don’t feel good my mommy gives me coffee.”  Rrrrrright.

Well played little girl, well played, but remember, I teach middle schoolers and they are far more crafty and practiced than you.  Try again.

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