More Than He Needs Me

The Little Seedling Blog asks, “Do you need your child, more than he needs you?”

The answer this week?  Yes, oh yes.

Sure, Adam needs me to meet his daily needs for food, diapers, and providing my thumbs so he can pull himself to standing, but other than that? Not so much.

We have been blessed with an easy, easy, EASY baby.  He is not fussy, hardly every cries, and goes. to. sleep.  on his own. between 6 and 8 pm every single night, and has since he was 4 months old.

Oh yes, I know how lucky we are.  I’m not exaggerating when I say I thank God every single day for these things.

He sometimes has nightmares.  He wakes up screaming, stiff, eyes open but not seeing, and totally inconsolable.  He really needs me then.

But when he wakes up in the night, as everyone does, I hear him chattering and laughing.  At most, he might need me to find his pacie that has fallen behind the bed.  Then he chatters himself back to sleep, alone, in his own bed.

This has  not been a good week for me.  I have a lot that is stressing me and I’m not handling it very well.  So on Sunday night, when Adam woke me up and I crept in his room, I did something I never do.

I picked him up.

I sat in his chair.

I cuddled my son in the middle of the night.

He didn’t need me.  He’s perfectly capable of handling this on his own, but I wasn’t.

I needed that comfort that only the smell of a clean baby can bring.  I needed that warmth and unconditional love you find in his eyes at 3 am.  I needed him to know how much I love him.

I needed him far more than he needed me.

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