My pantry runneth over

After two months of barely shopping, we were down to enough Diet Coke to build a small fortress (God bless those Memorial Day sales) and frozen spinach.  Time for a mega shop. 

Sam’s.  Surprisingly, it was not very crowded for a Saturday morning.  I successfully avoided the woman passing out pamphlets and selling windows.  She had her display set up between the paper cups and cat litter aisle.  What makes her think that people who need either a box of 800 paper cups or 31 pounds of cat litter are homeowners?  I thought about suggesting she move to where they had displays of $600 patio furniture.   Those shoppers are homeowners.  As they say, location, location, location.

• Sam’s: 5 items, $50.00

Barnes and Noble.  I found one copy of the Paula Deen cookbook that is a late gift for a friend’s wedding.  The only copy on the table looked like everyone in the store had fondled it since I first saw it last week.  A wonderful sales clerk helped me locate one of the other eight copies in the store and I headed for the checkout.

The beginning of the end.  I know that as a cashier, she is supposed to sell me things, but really, if I had more money, I would spend it.  I picked out ONE book because it was all I had to spend in the store that day.

• Hello, do you need any gift cards today?
  • No.
• Have you heard of our reward program?
  • Yes.
• Do you receive our emails? Those are free.
  • Yes, I do. (I lied; I was starting to get a little impatient.)
• If you are looking for a good mystery I recommend this one [pointing] I just finished it myself.
  • Uh, huh.  (My inner three year old began screaming, Gimme my book! Gimme my book! Gimmmmmmmeeeee myyy booook for heaven’s sake.)
• That’ll be 17 dollars.

Irritated, I headed for one of my least favorite stores in the world.

Aldi.   Something about bagging my own groceries and searching for a quarter so I can just have a cart drives me nuts.   I might feel differently if shopping there was a pleasant experience, but it’s just not.  It’s like a little maze filled with people all bumping into each other trying desperately to beat each other to the one open check out. 

The quality at Aldi is actually incredible for what you pay.  I can honestly say I’ve never had a problem with anything I’ve purchased there, including the fresh produce.

You can get most of your list there, but there is only one version of it.  Barbecue sauce?  Mustard? Ketchup? Mayonnaise?  One kind. One size.    Some things are so cheap that I almost think they are free.  39 cents for one lemon?  I’ll take six.  39 cents for one peach?  I’ll take eight.  See a problem coming?

• Aldi: 62 items; $96. (a relief since I had only $100 in cash on me)

Wal-Mart.  One more stop to get the necessary items that are not available at Aldi.  Not even listening to Justin Timberlake, Anthony Hamilton, Seal and Dolly Parton in a weird IPod combination made this visit any better.  I should have just introduced myself to the two families who walked in with me because somehow they were in my way everywhere I went.What were the chances that they also needed soaps, baby supplies, yogurt, Kashi cereal and brown rice?  Apparently, excellent.

• Wal-Mart: 56 items; $119.

I have resolved that I am not stepping foot in any store again for at least two weeks.  Need something? Ran out of something?  Too bad. Adapt or mutate.  I don’t care which.

I considered a rationing system.  I purchased 113 items.  That amounts to 1.25 items per person per day. Hungry?  Oh, I’m sorry, you already took toilet paper today, I guess you will have to wait til tomorrow.  Thirsty? Here’s a box of tea.  Make it last. 

Adam will have to learn that life has its challenges at an early age.

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