I envy Pioneer Woman’s cooking abilities. Like really, really envy. The green searing kind of envy that you reserve for something you really covet.
The fact that she cooks those beautiful meals with kids in the house is astounding to me.
I can pull together a decent meal but with the addition of my niece this week….ah well let’s just say, it’s tough. Tonight I made some awesome Beef and Bean enchiladas with homemade red sauce but the recipe is a bit complicated. See if you can follow this.
1. Read a recipe for enchilada sauce. Decide it doesn’t have enough garlic in it and triple it. Likewise with the onion.
2. Saute onion and garlic in olive oil.
3. Add a small can of tomato sauce and 1 1/2 cups of water. Bring to a boil.
4. Consult the recipe. Consult the spice cabinet. Consult the recipe. Say, “oh hell” and throw black pepper, salt, chili powder, onion powder, oregano, basil, and cumin into the pan in varying amounts as you have available.
5. Walk away. Forget the pan is on the stove.
6. Relax because it is nap time and when you can smell this odd smell in your home, then you know that the sauce has been simmering long enough that there is no longer 1 1/2 cups of water in the mix….more like a tablespoon. Say oh hell again.
7. Add more tomato sauce, mix well, set aside…not on a burner. Get kids up from nap. Do assorted duties and get back to the kitchen.
6. Distribute snack, juice, and answer the barrage of questions from your niece: What you doing? Why you cooking dinner? What is that? What you doing? Why you cooking dinner? Etc, until you are ready to faint.
7. Pre heat oven to 350 degrees.
8. In a pan, cook hamburger, drain it, add some more onion, a can of refried beans, and some enchilada sauce. Cook til hot.
9. Find a rectangular baking pan. Spray with cooking oil, layer tortillas, meat and cheese, throw some sauce in there, pat down, cover with foil, place in hot oven, walk away.
10. Referee fight between cousins. Wonder what that burning smell. Continue to teach your son the fine art of TIME OUT.
11. Investigate burning smell. Find a stray, plastic, Kitchen Aid spatula in the back of the oven. Melting. Yes, Oh hell again.
12. Turn off oven. Find metal tongs. Remove all melted plastic and the metal handle that fell completely off the spatula. Throw in sink. Resist urge to take picture of your misfortune. RIP spatula.
13. Walk away. Turn on Jack’s Big Music Show. Pray for and receive 15 minutes of peace.
14. Tired yet? I am. Answer the phone. Talk to your new principal. Put her on hold to put your son in bed after he kicks your niece and then climbs onto the dining room table. Chat with your principal in a more relaxed atmosphere.
15. Check your food. Realize you turned the oven off a long time ago and umm… did NOT turn it back on. Declare this to be a wholly ineffective way of cooking and promise to change your ways tomorrow. Turn oven back on.
16. Retrieve and feed son. Say goodbye to niece. Realize you have not been out of the house for going on three days.
17. Collect son for a field trip to Wal Mart. Leave enchiladas on stove top.
18. Come home and wonder why they look so dried out and the pan is warm. Realize that while you turned the stove OFF you left the burner on warm.
19. Cover your dried out efforts in foil. Place in the refrigerator. Know that your husband couldn’t have produced such a high quality product even under the best conditions.
20. Get a picture from the Internetz what they should look like and call it a night.
